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Four Steps To Repair Your Relationship With Your Partner After An Argument

10/24/2022

Learning to repair after an argument is one of the most important skills for your relationship sustainability. Research shows that successful couples get upset with each other and might have conflicts, but they know how to come back together and repair. Not repairing the connection can have a profound effect on the level of stress for you individually and for the relationship. Overtime, conflicts with no repair will build into chronic resentment, loneliness, and dissatisfaction.

Here are 4 steps you can use to try to improve your relationship after an argument:

Take some time to reflect on your feelings and how they were expressed in the conflict.
Acknowledge to your partner that your action or behavior had a negative impact on them = offer a sincere apology. E.g., “I am so sorry I got mad and snapped at you. I know it was not ok and it hurt your feelings.” Please remember that by offering an apology, you are not taking the whole responsibility for the conflict on yourself. It always takes two to tango. However, your apology will signal to your partner that you are here to make a connection and to build a bridge. It helps us shift focus from “me vs. you” to “Us.”
Share the underlying, more vulnerable feelings in a softer way. E.g., “I was feeling very alone and misunderstood by you, which showed up as anger. But what I was really trying to express to you is my feelings of hurt and loneliness.”
Create space for the partner to share their feelings in a softer and more vulnerable way by listening to their experience.

Each step is important in the repair process. We cannot jump to Step 3 without acknowledging the impact of our angry or defensive reactions on our partner (Step 2). Vulnerability in Step 3 helps us open our hearts to each other and to honor the connection. Brene Brown reminds us: “Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity. It is the source of hope empathy, accountability, and authenticity.”

Learning to repair takes courage and time! But your relationship is worth it. Give it a try And if you have thoughts or questions, feel free to reach out!

What is your unique medicine?

10/1/2022

“One of the most calming and powerful actions you can do to intervene in a stormy world is to stand up and show your soul. Soul on deck shines like gold in dark times. The light of the soul throws sparks, can send up flares, builds signal fires… causes proper matters to catch fire…. Struggling souls catch light from other souls who are fully lit and willing to show it." -- Clarissa Pinkola Estes.

As war and division continues to take lives, hope, and security from thousands of people, I feel the challenge and the call to continue cultivate the unwavering inner sense of balance, stability, and resilience. When the world is shaking, we can find internal anchors to stay stable. This is not an easy practice and one I am coming back to every day, moment by moment.

At this time of uncertainty, anxiety, and turmoil, the best we all can do is not to feed fear but to cultivate light and healing for ourselves and those around us. That does not mean that we should hide our heads in the sand and be oblivious to what is going on in the world we live in. It is important to stay informed and at least attempt to understand the universal, social, political, and cultural forces that shape the external events.

These times call us to become aware of our unique strengths and gifts, and to cultivate and express them. What is your unique medicine that you can share with the world right now? What is your light that you can carry like Prometeus through these dark times?

Are you good at baking bread?
Are you gifted with a green thumb and like to design gardens?
Do you know how to provide care and comfort for others?
Are you a community organizer that can bring people together for a good cause?
Are you a parent who loves taking care of your children and making them feel safe and loved?
Do you feel the courage to speak the truth and inspire others?
Are you a caring teacher who can nurture the growth and development of others?

However big is your light — a torch or a candle — protect that flame and share it with others. Don’t undermine your impact. We are all interwoven in a unique design of this life together and we all can strive to make this world a better place in our own unique way.

What is your medicine? What is your light? Feel free to share with me. I would love to hear from you! ☀️☀️☀️

Four Steps To Repair Your Relationship With Your Partner After An Argument

What is your unique medicine?

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